


It's Never Too Late For Love

by irrationalgame



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 19:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1399672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalgame/pseuds/irrationalgame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A magazine article causes Anna and Bates to reminisce about falling in love - and stirs up some uncomfortable feelings for the troubled first footman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Never Too Late For Love

"They say there's four steps to realising you're in love with a person," Anna read, her bright eyes intently focussed on the magazine article spread on the table in front of her.

"Do they?" Bates smiled, his hand gently resting atop his wife's.

At the far end of the servants' hall table Thomas rolled his eyes and threw Jimmy a conspiratorial smirk.

"Sounds a bit soppy, if you ask me," Jimmy added sardonically.

"Good job no one did ask you then," Bates said with grim finality. Jimmy felt his face contort into an expression of his barely-contained anger.

"They do," Anna continued, bemused. "Apparently, first there’s the moment when you _think_ you think it."

"Well that was the first moment we met," Bates replied. Jimmy was aware that Thomas was trying to catch his eye, no doubt to add his own sarcastic comment, but the footman studiously examined his fingernails so the under-butler wouldn't spot the blush that was blooming on his cheeks. He recalled when the thought had entered his mind - that he might _love_ Thomas - and how his own consciousness had recoiled away from it as quickly as a hand naturally draws back from the heat of a naked flame.

"And then," Anna resumed reading, "there’s the moment you think you know it."

Jimmy focused on engraving a little pattern into the tabletop with his bitten-down thumbnail and remembered how, perhaps twelve months after the beating at Thirsk, he'd simply _known_ he loved Thomas. That moment had come to Jimmy, not in a flash of inspiration, but rather had built incrementally, like humidity on a sultry summer's day gradually intensifies towards the inevitable thunderstorm. Then it had become as undeniable and unbending as the very laws of nature; he loved Thomas and there was nothing he could do about it - he could no more change it than he could alter gravity, or the constant turning of the earth.

Of course, knowing something and acting upon it were completely different matters.

"Next there’s the moment when you know you know it, but you can’t yet say it," Anna added, as if in addendum to Jimmy's thoughts.

"Ah yes," Bates smiled knowingly, "I'm afraid I would have been stuck on step three forever if it weren't for you my dear, coward that I am."

If Bates were a coward then Jimmy, by comparison, was an utter milksop. He couldn't - he _wouldn't_ \- ever tell Thomas how he felt. Not after he'd nearly had Thomas sacked and jailed; Thomas would surely hate him, if Jimmy were ever to admit to his own terrible hypocrisy. And, of course, there was the looming existential crisis of finally admitting his own homosexual tendencies to himself.

"You are daft," Anna chided, but there was nothing but unmitigated adoration in her voice. "And then there’s the moment when you know you know it, and you can’t keep it in any longer," Anna beamed. "I know what that feels like," she confessed.

"And thank goodness you didn't keep it in," Bates said with a mawkish grin, "Because I never would've said - I thought I was too late."

"It's never too late for love, Mr Bates," Anna replied.

"As informative as this potted history of the Bates' romance has been, I'm going out for a smoke," Thomas sneered, rising from the table, "before I lose my dinner." He strode outside, shoving a cig into his mouth as he went. Jimmy waited a beat before following the under-butler out into the cool twilight; Bates and Anna were so wrapped up in each other they barely noticed the abrupt evacuation of the servants' hall.

Jimmy ducked out into the yard to find Thomas already smoking, propped up against a tower of stacked crates.

"Do you believe all that stuff about love then?" Jimmy asked, leaning on the wall beside him in an attempt to appear casual. Thomas handed off a cigarette to the footman and Jimmy accepted it with trembling hands.

Thomas's brow furrowed as if he wasn't sure whether it was a serious question or not. "I - I suppose it could be true," he looked up at the evening sky, a cigarette tucked in the corner of his mouth. "I don't think love happens all at once," he said suddenly, his voice deliberately level, "but it starts out as a thought of a thought, like something you see in your peripheral vision that disappears when you turn to look at it." He frowned and sucked on his cigarette, shadows clinging to the hollows of his cheeks; "An' I suppose it becomes more tangible whenever you catch sight of it, until it's bearing down on you like a wild animal, threatening to devour you, and you can't understand how you ever questioned it's existence."

Jimmy dropped his unlit cig to the gravel and swallowed hard, his throat working. "Is that - is that what it's like for you? Being in love?" Jimmy hadn't imagined it could be so all-consuming for Thomas - he was always so collected, almost standoffish, it was difficult to imagine him being overawed by love.

Thomas shrugged. "Maybe. Or perhaps I jus' read too much poetry. What d'ya think then?"

"I - uh," Jimmy replied, stalling. He made to speak but faltered, every reason why he shouldn't tell the truth pressing weightily on his shoulders until his legs threatened to give out.

"Jimmy?" Thomas asked, turning the attention of his questioning blue eyes to the footman. His handsome alabaster face was open and unguarded for barely a second, but in that moment Jimmy saw a depth of affection and feeling that warmed him in a wave, from his extremities to deep in his chest. It gave him _hope_ , dangerous as that was.

"Thomas, I," Jimmy floundered, searching his meagre vocabulary for a succinct way to summarise his predicament. He sighed and straightened his livery; it was now or never and staying stalled on 'step three' for the rest of his life was not an enticing prospect. "I can remember when I thought I loved you, but I wasn't really sure what love felt like - I thought it was just an infatuation, a phase. So I - I tried very hard to hate you, but it didn't work. You were so kind - you just smiled at my hateful words and I - I cried all the time, I were so ashamed of myself for it all. An' then, after Thirsk, that's when I really got to know you. I couldn't deny it then, that I loved you, and I suppose I stopped trying to fight it. But I - I couldn't say anythin' - how could I, after what I'd done to you? But here I am, saying it all anyway. Thomas I know it's a lot and - well, you probably don't feel the same any more, but - I - I can't keep it in any longer," Jimmy stammered, unwittingly echoing Anna's words. He sucked in a long, stuttering breath that was almost a sob and waited.

Thomas gaped, the red circle of his lips a stark contrast to his bloodless complexion. "Jimmy - ah - really?" he said, his voice small. Jimmy nodded tightly.

"And I'm sorry," the footman added. "For everything. And I know it's too late but I - I love you."

Thomas was silent for a long moment. He flicked the end of his cigarette across the yard and Jimmy watched the trail of glowing embers fade on the cool ground The under-butler turned and tentatively placed his gloved left hand on Jimmy's shoulder, then, more assuredly, cupped Jimmy's cheek with the palm of his right. Jimmy's skin burned at the touch, his cheeks glowing brighter than the tip of Thomas's spent cigarette. Thomas dipped his head forwards and placed a soft kiss on Jimmy's downturned mouth - Jimmy leaned in, his lips parting in reciprocation and relief.

"It's never too late," Thomas said against Jimmy's mouth, "for love."

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by 'The Stages of Saying I Love You' by DarlingBenny - http://darlingbenny.tumblr.com/post/79030002935


End file.
